Here Comes Goodbye.

I know that almost no one likes goodbyes, and that most people are at least somewhat bad with change. But honestly, I feel like I take both of these to an extreme! Maybe it’s because I’m already a decently anxious person in general, or because I have a tendency to over-analyse and think too much, or some mix of those. Or maybe it’s something else, who knows. I am just really, really, really bad at leaving!

Granted, I still have a few days left at UQ and over a week left in Australia, so I am doing my best to push those thoughts from my mind and soak in every moment, person, beautiful view, new experience, and everything else I encounter here. Heck, I still have a whole trip to Melbourne and Tasmania to enjoy (and trust me, I am getting SO excited for that!)! At the same time, though, it’s getting harder and harder not to reflect on this semester as if it’s already over, and also to stop thinking about the uncertainty of the future (Will I really keep in touch with these people, whether they live in Australia, America, or elsewhere? To what extent? Will I ever be back here? When?). No worries, I’m not as stressed as I’m making myself sound – learning to live in the moment and enjoy life as it comes has been one of the major lessons the past few months have started teaching me, which is great because I feel much more able to appreciate each day for what it is. Old habits die hard, though, so I’m still trying to kick those anxious thoughts!

As much as I have come to adore the stunning landscapes and bustling cities here in Oz, I think everything comes down to my profound fear of saying goodbye. I've said a few already (actually, not goodbyes; we've made sure they were "see you later"'s), and some have been more emotional than even I expected! In a world fully outfitted with Facebook, Skype, and heaps of other methods of instant communication, you wouldn’t think this would be such a big deal. But in reality, those things can never replace actually being with people - hearing their voices unmediated by technology, feeling their arms wrap you in a hug, and just enjoying each other’s presence as you sit in the same room. Plus, life understandably gets busy on both ends, so sometimes (many times) even Facebook and Skype aren’t enough. It’s so beautiful to have people that I love in so many corners of the earth, but at the same time I would be happy with never having to say goodbye. In fact, I think everyone you love should just be gathered in one place so that you never have to be without one another…but I guess that’s what Heaven’s for, hey? It just feels like, as we get older, we are constantly having to say goodbye to people as we move from home to college to abroad and back again, and as a result we are always missing people. Maybe that’s a negative way of looking at it, but I totally subscribe to a line in the Savage Garden song I posted a few weeks ago: “I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands.” Well, if those people aren’t around, that makes things difficult!

Don’t get me wrong, I am SO excited to see everyone and everything back in America. Thinking about the incredible life that’s waiting for me there is the “sweet” part of my bittersweet feelings on leaving next week. And if you remember how anxious I was to leave Vanderbilt in the spring, you’re probably laughing at how dramatically the tables have turned. There’s a difference, though. I knew I would be back at Vandy in January, so as much as I would miss it there, there was a plan for returning. Plus, if I need to, I can hop on a plane and spend a weekend with anyone from Vandy. If I want to return to Australia, though, it takes almost a whole weekend to get here! And therein lies the scary: who knows when I will be back? I’m not sure, but I do know that I will be. In so many big and little ways, this country has stolen a good portion of my heart. And generally when that happens, I find a way of getting back.

"Always remember to slow down in life: live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget every thing and every person that has the least place within your heart." -Author Unknown